Memoria

Not a day goes by that I don't think of India.  I have said before that I found a piece of my heart in India, but it stayed there, and I have felt its absence more than ever.  As much as my heart yearns to return, the tapestry my mind loses a small fiber of memory.  As I try to collect the threads create the memories, there is surprisingly little there for me to hold on to.  I grip each thread tightly, desperately holding on. I try to find triggers in the Indian music and movies that might bring back memories or fool me into thinking that I'm there.  But nothing I do can replace the missing piece of my heart. I wish to return there someday, but now I wonder if it is best to let it be and keep the memories as they are.

The mind is a funny thing, that over time distorts the things that are permanently etched.   Things that were once terrifying become funny. And the funny become even more so. Some memories are forgotten (occasionally by force), and some return.

I have been thinking a lot about memories lately as I have continued to do work on what I now call The Scar Anthology. Through the duration of the project many memories that I had chosen to forget have risen in my mind again. Listening to the stories of other people having to no choice but to face their trials that left them with scars brought me to face mine and come out the victor.

New trials have come as a result of this project as well. For those who do not know, I attended (and recently graduated) from Brigham Young University-Idaho, a private and understandably conservative school in an equally conservative community. All were incredibly supportive of the message I was trying to spread, but  they were less willing to display the photos, specifically the photos of the two breast cancer survivors that both showed an uncovered breast. Each call, email and and inquiry was met with

Scars (Help Needed)

My latest endeavor is one that has become of great importance to me.  It started out as a final in my Historical Processes class.  I was to complete a series of photos and print them using one of the many historical printing forms.  I explained to my teacher that I wanted to do a group of portraits using a large format camera (a film camera which uses a 4"x5" or more negative), using the kallitype process. He responded with "I like the idea, but why would you be grouping these people together?"

I thought.  And thought.  And thought....

Scars.

After shooting a few portraits, I soon realized that this was something that could mean something more to people more than myself, and it quickly became more than just a homework assignment, transforming into one of the most important works in my young career.  It is now the series that I will use for what is called a "BFA show"(Bachelor of Fine Arts Show), and will be a part of a BFA student gallery that showcases the work of graduating fine arts students.

 Here are a few examples of what I have done so far:

Return (of the Jedi)

A long time it has been.  A semester has come and gone, and so has my (very short) summer break.  Much has happened, yet so has nothing at all.

My semester back after India was one of the most stressful, and yet rewarding semesters of all.  I was taking 15 credits of classes, all of which were studio classes--meaning I was working on 4 projects at a time, with no time for breathing in between.

Here is a quick summary of what I did for the past 4 and 1/2 months:

rideinastuntplanenewapartmentstarfishesblackandwhitefilmyellowstoneandeverywhereinbetweenhoursinthedarkroom35mmfilmholgalargeformatdocumentarytattooparloursmannamedtrollwatchingpiercingsandtattoosgettingdonetattooconventioninslcattemptedseriesonchildpsychologyportraithoursinlightstudiomotorcycleinstudiocrashedlaptopmodelsmodelsmodelshistoricalprocesseslightsensitivechemicalsonpaperoriginalformsofprintingphotoscyanotypesgumprintsplatinumprintskallitypesvandykebrownsscarsindiapicturessummerbreaknew4x5cameravisitfamilyinmedfordinportlandinBoiseinCorvallisinSeattlevacationsanjuanislandsscarsworkdrastichaircutwhichleadsusto...

Now.

I have started work on my BFA (Bachelor of Fine Arts), which is like my photographic version of a thesis.  As part of the completion of my degree, I have to shoot and present a series of photos on campus in a gallery like setting.  It is what all my blood, sweat, and tears, and hours of work for the past 4+ years is for.  It is a very important and prestigious event, and an honor to be a part of.  Definitely not something to take lightly.